Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
