dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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