I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
