he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
