...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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