im drinking this country out of the recession.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
