Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize