No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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