Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
