i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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