I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
