In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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