went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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