I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
