so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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