I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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