one might say we're banned from that church
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
