Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
