I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
