We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
