Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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