Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
