your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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