dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
