I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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