Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Randomize
