I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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