Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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