mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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