I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
