Im at strip club and am horny
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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