My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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