I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I need to stop coming to work sober
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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