Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
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