I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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