I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
