You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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