I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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