I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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