Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
