Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
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I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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