I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
