dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
