I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
they're like a gay fantastic four
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
