I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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