I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
