U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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