The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
