We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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