Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
