What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
