Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
