I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
