Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
