how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
