My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
