i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
