Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
