Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
