You can't special order awesome
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
