just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
