You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
