I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
