Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
