I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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