Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
