his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
