he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
