even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I have aggressive nipples.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
