After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
