Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
