I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
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