You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
