Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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