My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
