i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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